Every January, one of my best pals Jerriann has her close circle of ladies over for a night of cocktails, trashy TV, snacks and VISION BOARD MAKING. Yes. Every year I attempt to make a vision board and it never gets hung up in my room (if it even gets finished at all). However, just because I don’t complete my vision board doesn’t mean it’s an arbitrary activity.
I was thumbing through magazines looking for pictures to brainwash myself into becoming fabulous and successful and I starting thinking about my resolutions. What can I do that actually will make some sort of difference in my life? How can I better myself without ONLY losing the crucial ten pounds?
So, here we go. First, 2013 needs a theme. When it comes the resolutions, weight loss is tired and it’s basically understood at this point, right? Mentioning that I want to lose weight in 2013 is like mentioning at some point I should probably breathe air. Stress-free? That was my 2012 holiday mantra and guess what? It was a bust (a story for another day). But maybe there is something there… what’s something women struggle with on a daily basis that adds stress and is a completely functionless emotion?
Guilt. IT IS OFFICIALLY A GUILT-FREE 2013! Sorry, Mom. I am titanium against teeth gritting, spontaneous break-outs and crying on my bathmat. This year, I’m focusing on a better, happier, guilt-free me. So, what resolutions can I declare to make sure of this?
Resolutions! Here we go!
1. David is not a house-boy. He is my boyFRIEND. My partner. I’ve noticed that I’ve gotten into the habit of waiting for David to get up for his inevitable cigarette break and only then will I become peckish/thirsty/in need of a blankie or hair tie or ANYTHING. If I want a grapefruit La Croix (or pampelmousse as they so hilariously call it) I just should get up and get it my damn self. Which is something I never thought I would say in public. So, resolution one: NO MORE LAZY DAISY.
2. My Dad has cancer. He is in the middle of treatment for nodules in his lungs and tiny liver tumors. He’s doing fine but, it sucks. It sucks when he’s sick and it sucks when he’s better and the whole 4 year ordeal has just been a real bitch. In 2012, my family took a backseat to my personal and professional life and I only saw my Dad on Easter and Christmas Eve and that’s never OK. This year, I will make the very simple 2.5 hour drive to South Florida to see my family as much as I possibly can. I get to see my family and I get to lounge at the beach! Win/win.
3. Meat is a treat. I will never go vegan or full on vegetarian. The culture of my ethnicity (North Irish/Sicilian) involves lots of cheap but beautifully prepared meats. That’s just the way of it. However, despite what David thinks, meat doesn’t need to be a staple in my every day life. Meat should be a treat like candy or dessert. I will eat much much less of it and eat more hearty beautiful veggies and fruits. This will help the weight loss and make me healthy and happy!
4. A lot of the guilt I feel comes from the deep soulful thousand year old pools of secrets otherwise known as my dogs’ eyes. I know I should take them to the dog park and the farmer’s market and I never do. It’s always too hot, or too much of a hassle but really, it isn’t. I will make sure Kanye and Bianchi get the royal travel treatment this year.
5. It is my firm belief that every resolution list should include a point just for me to make me feel better about myself. So this year, I’m going to spend more money on cute flats. What? I just don’t have enough of them! I will also continue last year’s promise to myself to invest in sluttier underthings.
I’m sure there’s more but I feel like this is a good start. We women, as a gender and as a more evolved species in general, are bred to feel guilt. Guilt about child hunger, about our bodies, about our cattiness, about recycling, about FUCKING EVERYTHING. Let’s all take a deep breath and exhale through our noses and whisper to ourselves, “Guilt-free 2013.” Here’s to you, ladies.
(sign by Kasper Sonne via Pinterest)